Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Mental health

Unplanned Chaos pt 2…

Sunshine Before the Rain

Every ACTION brings a REACTION…I was already aware of how my husband felt about depression, anxiety, and all things mental health. He would always say that he didn’t understand that “CRAZY SH**”. That being depressed was a choice, and that in our situation Jaime was just spoiled. He would say that kids today are just WEAK, and that when we were growing up kids weren’t depressed. We dealt with all kinds of sh** “The Real Way”. What’s “The Real Way” Lanier? Man they need to “SUCK THAT SH** UP”!!!! LOL! Its funny to me now because I know he knows better but at that time I was stuck in the middle. You see, I somewhat knew about metal health issues. My middle brother suffers with depression. But at that time we were still uneducated on the issue and continued to function as a normal family trough the EPISODES/CRISIS he would have. So, with Lanier’s views on MH and my semi awareness we handled Jai’s episode/crisis (yes I can admit it) all WRONG.

I didn’t recognize the early symptoms. My approach to the signs she was showing of a crisis (pacing & talking crazy) was me going in the room with her and like my daddy would say…. “I told her how the cow eats the cabbage”. WRONG that only made it worse. I should’ve reacted calmly and rationally. At this point her actions bought out my reaction and now she’s reacting to my action and my anxiety is out the roof, she’s crying and so am I. My crying then led to Lanier interjecting and demanding that Jaime go in the room, she rebelled, she lashed out. All kinds of conditions were broken down in our family.

After all was said and done I was having a total breakdown so I called my mom hysterically crying about the whole ordeal. After explaining the situation my mom who some of you may know said in short…..

Hope, you need to WOMAN UP. Take control of your family. I don’t care what kind of episode Jaime is having down there she is not allowed to be disrespectful. Now you get off this phone, stop that crying and call me back when you got everything handled.

Me: OK Ma

When I tell you I hung up that phone and cried like I had just got news my daddy was dead or something. I remember telling Lanier what my momma said and how she hurt my feelings. How could she tell me that? I’m a 40yr old woman with my own family! I cried for hours, every time those words rang in my ears I cried. I even called my cousin Summer and said do you know what my momma just told me? (as if she could do something). Now, was that the right approach my mom took I don’t know but what I do know is I needed that. So, although I had let my own anxiety take over me in that situation my mom knew that In order for me to reconcile things I needed to be in a sound state of mind. And if challenging me to get things under control meant challenging my woman hood she was gonna do it. I believe sometimes we need to be challenged to bring out what’s already in us.

The effects of that ordeal came back with us to Louisiana. I was so stressed I hardly ate anything for weeks, I lost weight (i needed too) but not the healthy way, my stomach was weak for days at a time, and I could hardly function at work. I hadn’t been on my anxiety medication for awhile and boy did I need it. I called my doctors office like PLEASE call me in a prescription.

Each time we experience something different in regard to depression & anxiety or anything in life we have to learn from it, educate yourself on the issue, and PRAY about it. I’m proud to say I survived that situation and is still surviving. I know that God is using this hard situation to bring me to my calling. Let my experience/exposure be a tool for someone else. I pray that my testimony helps someone, If just one my mission is accomplished.

– Hope

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