Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Mental health, Uncategorized

Forever in my Heart…❤️

March 1st is the day my brother died and my grandmother died the next day March 2nd. One of the hardest times in my life. This year made 5 years they’ve been gone and the gut punch of it all still hurts like hell. Normally at this time my family and I do a balloon release from each of our locations. There would be balloons going up from New Roads, Texas, California, Atlanta, & Seattle just to name a few. But this year it was different no one said anything, there was no preparation on anyone’s part to make sure the release happened. I definitely didn’t and I was happy no one else did because I don’t know if they were all feeling like me but my main goal was to block these death anniversaries out of my thoughts. I had no interest in giving energy to a time that caused me so much grief, hurt, and pain.

I tend to still get mad; not mad at God but mad that they’re gone and I’ll never see or hear them in the physical again. Mad that they’re not here to share in happy occasions or help me through trials. Are they my angels? Sure they are and I know they are here with me all the time but I selfishly want that fleshly person back. I want to be able to pick up the phone and call them or see them. If I had one opportunity to call or see them again I often wonder what would I say. Would I just utilize that time to talk about me, would I tell them about things that’s happening with family members? Well, I really think I’d want to know how they were doing, what is it like in Heaven, I would ask about the joys of being with our Father God, I’d ask what its like to walk on streets of gold, I’d tell them how much I miss them and wish they were still here, and I’d also tell them how much my life has changed for the better, I’d tell them how getting closer to God has allowed me to be the person I never thought I could be, doing things I never thought I would do.

Please understand that we as a family have come a long way. I can honestly say that we all experienced grief in a major way due to these passings. Grieving is a part of the process of recovering from losing someone you love. My mom, a lady that always taught me to “never let them see you sweat” had weakened to a person I didn’t know. She lost her first born child/son. To this day my brothers death has changed her. On my moms side of the family we have a bunch of young adults that looked up to my brother. And they still seem to struggle with losing him. My dad lost a son and his mother in two days. My grandmother was 99 years old when she died she had 11 children all living and grandchildren, great grandchildren, great-great grandchildren. To have someone that’s been in our lives for all our lives was major to all of us, she was the glue that held it all together. Everyone piling up to her house on regular days and especially holidays just to be in her presence. Her being there still in her right mind, mobile, cooking Sunday meals and able to still give sound advice was a true blessing. We lost a lot.

Never let anyone tell you how to grieve but don’t allow your grief to make you so mad that you hurt others in the process. In life and death God is still Omnipresent. It’s how we handle the rough times that he’s able to get the glory.

A post I previously did on grief said: Honor the loved one who passed. If you are grieving the loss of a loved, think of good times and focus on a good memory that makes you smile. The grief will never go away, but fond memories of the person can help you feel better.

I started writing this blog crying and now my heart is filled with Joy!!! Thank you God you are Amazing!!!

This was my therapy….written 3/3/2020

-Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Mental health, Uncategorized

Be Intentional…

This weekend my cousin Beanie gave me a whole word/lesson. She said we as parents have to learn to be more intentional with how we talk to our kids.

Jaime was in & out of the hospital the week of Martin Luther King Day. On that Monday we were at Urgent Care, Tuesday afternoon we were at OLOL Livingston, Tuesday evening we were back at OLOL Livingston, then admitted OLOL Baton Rouge later that night. We were discharged on Wednesday and at Ochsner that same night. Thursday morning we went to the doctor and was immediately admitted to PCG hospital then later transferred to OLOL Childrens Hospital for 6 days. Jaime was given steroids at every hospital we went to and was sent home on steroids which caused a noticeable amount of weight gain. She mentioned recently that she gained weight a few times and we discussed diets but these were conversations that she initiated and when discussing I never made reference to her weight as a problem or insinuate that she didn’t look good.

On Saturday before going look for prom dresses Jaime was getting dressed and she put on this fitted shirt dress that she’s worn plenty of times before but this time it fit different. I casually said

Oh sis your belly is too big for that dress.

Jaime went to her room and after her not coming out to say she was ready to go I went to her room and she was in bed crying. My immediate question was

Why are you crying?

I had no idea I did anything wrong but my mind quickly went back to what I said. I began to apologize and tell her how I meant nothing by what I said but it was too late the damage was done. I could only imagine what her anxiety was telling her I meant…(she’s fat, ugly etc.) We were able to recover from that and go about our day. We found a beautiful dress that she looks amazing in and in efforts to support her (not that I don’t need it) we are both doing KETO.

In hindsight I wish I would’ve handled that situation differently. I wish I would’ve been more intentional with my words. It’s my goal to never let something that I tell her or any of my kids to make them feel unsure of their beauty or ability.

If we practice being more intentional with our words and actions there won’t be any room for saying I didn’t mean to offend you or I didn’t know doing that would hurt you.

-Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Disorder, Mental health

Words hurt….

Thanksgiving Family Cruise 2019

I once heard a saying that says ” words are like toothpaste, once it’s out you can’t put it back in” what a perfect analogy. For whatever reason we sometimes have those moments of saying things we wish we could just take back. Whether it be good words that the receiver is non appreciative of that leads to regretting that we said anything, or bad words that hurt or damage relationships. Words have power to make or break lives & spirits. Words are so powerful that the bible says that the power of life and death is in the tongue. So, my question to you is: What are you speaking to or about yourself and others?

On our family cruise trip we took in November 2019 there was an incident between the kids where Jaime said some ugly hurtful things to her sister and offended her other siblings. Shay the voice of reason was not able to reason with Jaime, Juwan the one who never says anything and on this occasion tried to deescalate things was cursed by Jaime, and well Bria, just watched but had all kinds of opinions about it later. Let me mention that everything that happened took place off the boat in Cozumel, Mexico. Jaime stormed off and left the others and came back to the boat. Lanier and I returned to the boat after our excursion only for me to go to Jaime & my moms room and find her crying and ranting about the situation. Then I get a group text that included Jaime and I from Lyric saying “Jaime you better be back on that boat”. And although she (Jaime) said all those hurtful things she had the nerve to be crying. So, I was greeted with one in a room crying and the other waiting for me to come back to my room to inform me of the situation. I felt like I was in the twilight zone. I’m thinking I let them all go off together for once without me & daddy and all hell breaks loose. Now, after hearing what happened and the things Jaime said to Lyric I knew 2 things:

  1. Jaime must’ve been out of her mind for playing with Lyric the one child that does not mind laying hands.
  2. Lyric is perfectly capable of responding to a situation verses reacting to one.

Listening to Lyric tell what happened and then asking me if I was going to punish Jaime was so surreal to me. Punish her…Why? I really had to laugh. The lil Jaime that had never acted out like that with her siblings had shook things up. I replied No, i’m not punishing her y’all are sisters and that kinda stuff happens. Furthermore, YOU telling me about punishing somebody you’ve got to be kidding me…GIRL BYE!

After returning home while riding with Jaime one day I said you should need a refill on your medicine by now. She replied no, I got some. I then started thinking and asked when was the last time you took it and she said I DON’T KNOW, WHAT? You Don’t know…. Jaime were you taking your medicine before the trip? She said NO! I know that her being off her meds possibly made a simple issue 10x more upsetting to her. Now I won’t let her being off her meds be an excuse for her actions but I’m sure it contributed to the seriousness of the incident that took place. I find myself always debating on what’s a symptom of her mental illness and what’s just her being spoiled. I do believe that some can and will use their mental illness as an excuse or for self gain.

Now, a month or so had passed and Jaime decided she would send Lyric a text apology but little did she know it would not have been taken as easy as she thought. Typing this i’m actually laughing. The day the text was sent Jaime begins texting me saying she never wants to talk to Lyric again. I go to Jaime’s room and ask why? what’s going on and she’s drenched in tears telling me that she apologized and Lyric said something stupid. I said, well hunni you didn’t give Lyric a choice when you cursed her and said the things you said but now that you’ve apologized Lyric has an option to accept it or not. If she doesn’t accept it just know that you’ve done the right thing but her not accepting your apology is the consequence you pay.

I knew in the beginning there was no need for me to intervene in that situation because Jaime was going to have to face what she did again. Her heart being broken by Lyric’s response to her apology was just a lesson for her. You can’t expect to do and say things to people and think they are going to get over it or forgive you when YOU want them too. It just doesn’t work that way.

Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Disorder, Mental health

Seeking proper help…

On January 6, 2020 after about 6 months of waiting for an opening, Jaime finally was able to see a psychiatrist. Before our scheduled appointment I received 19 pages of mostly assessment questions that needed to be answered by myself & Jaime. They also detailed that we needed to be prepared to be there at least 2hrs. Y’all I cannot express how important it is to get proper help. Jaime was first prescribed medication by our PCP who addressed her obvious symptoms and knew the importance of her seeing a psychiatrist, a doctor who’s specialty is mental health. On the day of our visit @7:30 am my awareness and need to “end the shame” and speak for those “suffering in silence” began to be more apparent.

After arriving the day of, the psychiatrist came out and explained how the visit would go and asked who would like to go first. Of course Jaime volunteered me. I went in and was asked all manner of questions about Jaime and the behaviors that I saw in her. I was asked about our family life and if she experienced any traumas. There was things he asked about her that i would’ve never thought mattered. I spent over an hour with the psychiatrist. Once we were done Jaime went in for over an hour. Then he brought us in together to go over what he observed based on both of our assessments and what we told him.

We learned aside from her depression & anxiety she showed symptoms of ADHD. I couldn’t believe that. I said she doesn’t have behavioral problems. Like many people I only saw ADHD looking one and that was busy overactive kids. Well, I found out that it looks like Jaime a procrastinator, easily distracted, misplaces everything, totally disorganized, talkative, very forgetful, impulsive kid.

For a minute sitting in that office I felt a feeling of embarrassment thinking the people at the front desk and waiting to be seen knows that my daughter has mental health issues. But I quickly realized that they were there for the same reason as us. I sat in that office with people that looked nothing like me (African american). I began to think why are we as African Americans not getting the help we need. But I quickly realized that some don’t have insurance, some can’t accept or identify that there is an issue, some can’t afford proper help, some are not aware of the resources available to them, and some just don’t even care til it’s too late.

Suddenly a sense of gratitude came over me to thank GOD that I was fortunate enough to have the means to get my daughter the proper help she needs. That i’m aware enough of how serious mental health is that I would dare step out in what some would call “SHAME” just to make sure my child is OK.

I’m learning that this mental health crisis is an forever learning process. That it’s complex & complicated and although I may not fully understand it I will fight against it. I may not be able to change everyone’s mind regarding mental health or end the stigma associated with it but I will leave my mark. When i’m gone my name and legacy will say that I spoke up for those suffering in silence. That I fought a battle that many are afraid too.

-Hope


People with ADHD show an ongoing pattern of three different types of symptoms:

  • Difficulty paying attention (inattention)
  • Being overactive (hyperactivity)
  • Acting without thinking (impulsivity)

These symptoms get in the way of functioning or development. People who have ADHD have combinations of these symptoms:

  • Overlook or miss details, make careless mistakes in schoolwork, at work, or during other activities
  • Have problems sustaining attention in tasks or play, including conversations, lectures, or lengthy reading
  • Seem to not listen when spoken to directly
  • Fail to not follow through on instructions, fail to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace, or start tasks but quickly lose focus and get easily sidetracked
  • Have problems organizing tasks and activities, such as doing tasks in sequence, keeping materials and belongings in order, keeping work organized, managing time, and meeting deadlines
  • Avoid or dislike tasks that require sustained mental effort, such as schoolwork or homework, or for teens and older adults, preparing reports, completing forms, or reviewing lengthy papers
  • Lose things necessary for tasks or activities, such as school supplies, pencils, books, tools, wallets, keys, paperwork, eyeglasses, and cell phones
  • Become easily distracted by unrelated thoughts or stimuli
  • Forgetful in daily activities, such as chores, errands, returning calls, and keeping appointments
https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/publications/attention-deficit-hyperactivity-disorder-adhd-the-basics/index.shtml#pub3

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Mental health

The back steps of progress…

In her own words…

One can wish to reach a certain goal, but on the journey of becoming a better person, one may tend to back track. When dealing with a “mentally ill” child, parents may not realize their own toxic habits. When faced with certain situations, they may revert to their old toxic habits and behaviors. This is understandable, but the parent may not realize the resentment that may manifest. Every parent should learn their child and as we grow our minds continue to develop, and the things we react and respond to change.

As a child/teenager, trying to understand your own mental health is quite a hard task. Bringing up all of the other stressors’ in one’s life may cause an episode. From my own personal experience, going into a mental institution changed me, and my mindset about a lot of things. While I was there I had time to think and ponder about my life and how I wanted it to be, and the type of people I wanted to surrounded myself with. Being in high school and trying to accomplish my new found goals is extremely hard. At times I feel that after an “episode” or something equivalent to one, I find myself at a point of in dept tranquility. While I stayed in the TAU center I was able to identify some of my issues that I was, and still currently dealing with. It all starts from my childhood.

At the age of 2 my father left. The last time I can recall seeing my father was when I was 5yrs old, shortly after my father was imprisoned. If anybody was to ask me about my father, my answers are always comical or outlandish; that’s my way of masking my pain from the world. Two years later at the age of 7 I experienced my first real depression. My grandmother passed away from cancer while I was on my way to the hospital to see her. In turn for many years I avoided my father’s side, not because I had anything against them, but because they reminded me of my grandmother, so I found no interest in being with them.

Fast forward 5 years later my great grandmother was sick in the hospital. She and I were extremely close, she was like my best friend, and no matter what she always had faith in me. Only God knows how much I needed that. Hell, I need that now. The last day of seeing her at the hospital I can still feel the odd feeling I felt. As I was leaving the room, I can remember one of my great aunts asking me if I wanted to kiss her one last time (at least while she was still alive.) After we left the hospital and made it back to New Roads we find out that my uncle had passed away. The man that taught me how to fish, taught me the importance of hot sauce on every food that I eat. He was gone. So sudden, so unexpectedly. Gone forever. The following day my great grandmother passed. I lost two of the most important people in my life in a span of 48hrs. After that day in my mind relationships with others seemed to just feel temporary, because at any moment the ones you love and care for the most can be ripped away from you in an instant. [While writing this emotions, and thoughts that I’ve never expressed are being let out, and to be quite honest, I don’t know if that’s a good or bad thing]

After their deaths I found myself broken and confused. I wasn’t even a teenager yet, how could God give me all of this pain at such a young age. If people only knew how many demons were in my head, how much pain I was feeling, but how do I dare disrespect my grandparents? My grandmother lost her first born child and remained strong in front of everyone so how dare I shed a tear. My grandfather lost his son and mother back to back, and still found the strength to preach at his own son’s funeral, so how do I breakdown?….. TO BE CONTINUED….

– Jaime

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Grief, Mental health

Grief & the Holidays…

The holidays usually represent a time of happiness and togetherness with family and friends.  For some, however the holidays are a reminder of a traumatic experience or loss.  Grieving a loved one is hard. Grief during the holiday season can be even harder. It’s a constant reminder of the pain and loss and can be unbearable. For me and i’m sure many others, this time of the year is the hardest part of grieving when we miss our loved ones even more than usual. I mean how can we celebrate togetherness when everyone is not there?! Holidays magnifies loss. If you are feeling loss, alone, sad, and have no motivation to participate in activities over the holidays, you are not alone. 

There are some things you can do to help cope with your grief and sadness. If you find yourself unable to pull yourself out of a depression, please seek the help of a professional counselor. They can help you find ways to deal with your grief and depression. 

1.       Take care of yourself- We often tend to focus on the needs of others and not ourselves. One of the best things we can do to deal with our grief is self-care. Go for a walk, read a book, take a relaxing bubble bath.  Taking care of yourself will help you better take care of others. 

2.       Recognize triggers – If certain family situations or events trigger your grief, it’s alright to distance yourself from them. Your mental well-being is what is most important.  Set boundaries and stick to them.  You will be better for it. 

3.       Learn its ok to say no – we often allow others to put expectations on us that are hard for us to do. If doing something for someone else causes you stress, learn to say no. 

4.       Honor the loved one who passed. If you are grieving the loss of a loved, think of good times and focus on a good memory that makes you smile. The grief will never go away, but fond memories of the person can help you feel better. 

Remembering Geroid

Do’s and Don’ts

  • Do be gentle with yourself and protect yourself.
  • Don’t do more than you want, and don’t do anything that does not serve your soul and your loss.
  • Do allow time for the feelings.
  • Don’t keep feelings bottled up. If you have 500 tears to cry don’t stop at 250.
  • Do allow others to help. We all need help at certain times in our lives.
  • Don’t ask if you can help or should help a friend in grief. Just help. Find ways; invite them to group events or just out for coffee.
  • Do, in grief, pay extra attention to the children. Children are too often the forgotten grievers.

It isn’t as important how you remember, you honor them by the fact that you remember.

Matthew 5:4 Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Disorder, Mental health

Trichotillomania….What?

I never knew that pulling your hair was a disorder. I always compared my hair pulling to a nervous tic like shaking your leg, twirling your hair or biting your nails. So no big deal right!

Trichotillomania (trik-o-til-o-MAY-nee-uh), also called hair-pulling disorder, is a mental disorder that involves recurrent, irresistible urges to pull out hair from your scalp, eyebrows or other areas of your body, despite trying to stop.

My earliest memory of pulling my hair was a couple of years after getting married and although the early years are considered the honeymoon years it was still hard. Hell, still is sometimes! Looking back I know that pulling my hair was definitely anxiety & stressed induced. I can remember my grandmother calling my daddy on the phone saying:

Russell, Hope in here pulling her hair again!

Leotha

The pulling hair thing then maximized after this thing called GRIEF hit me like a ton of bricks! My brother and grandmother died a day apart from one another on March 1st & 2nd of 2015. Every living part of me began to malfunction I had absolutely no sense of who I was anymore. I made an life changing decision to move from my hometown, the only place I’d ever known to a place that I had never been until moving there. I convinced myself it was for a better school system for my kids when in reality I was running from the place that held so many memories of the loved ones I had lost.

The hair pulling had gotten so bad that I would have a pile of hair onside of wherever I was sitting. At home everyone in the house was aware of it but not family members on the outside. Many didn’t notice because I only pulled from the middle of my head under the top layer of hair. Eventually it got worse and I couldn’t control the urge to pull wherever I was. Before long everyone knew what I was doing. I was forced to go see my doctor and I was educated on the disorder and given medication.

At the height of my hair pulling I allowed myself to let go. I had moved away where no one knew me, I allowed my weight to get up to 198lbs the biggest I had ever been, and kept myself secluded from others.


Trichotillomania can be related to emotions:

  • Negative emotions. For many people with trichotillomania, hair pulling is a way of dealing with negative or uncomfortable feelings, such as stress, anxiety, tension, boredom, loneliness, fatigue or frustration.
  • Positive feelings. People with trichotillomania often find that pulling out hair feels satisfying and provides a measure of relief. As a result, they continue to pull their hair to maintain these positive feelings.

Signs and symptoms of trichotillomania often include:

  • Repeatedly pulling your hair out, typically from your scalp, eyebrows or eyelashes, but sometimes from other body areas, and sites may vary over time
  • An increasing sense of tension before pulling, or when you try to resist pulling
  • A sense of pleasure or relief after the hair is pulled
  • Noticeable hair loss, such as shortened hair or thinned or bald areas on the scalp or other areas of your body, including sparse or missing eyelashes or eyebrows
  • Preference for specific types of hair, rituals that accompany hair pulling or patterns of hair pulling
  • Biting, chewing or eating pulled-out hair
  • Playing with pulled-out hair or rubbing it across your lips or face
  • Repeatedly trying to stop pulling out your hair or trying to do it less often without success
  • Significant distress or problems at work, school or in social situations related to pulling out your hair

For people with trichotillomania, hair pulling can be:

  • Focused. Some people pull their hair intentionally to relieve tension or distress — for example, pulling hair out to get relief from the overwhelming urge to pull hair. Some people may develop elaborate rituals for pulling hair, such as finding just the right hair or biting pulled hairs.
  • Automatic. Some people pull their hair without even realizing they’re doing it, such as when they’re bored, reading or watching TV.

Life has a way of throwing some things at you that’ll make you do things you never thought you would. So, be consciously conscious, Be willing to face disappointment, and know that sometimes you have to Let go to Grow!

Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Bullying, Depression, Mental health

Immediate Gratification- Social Media and Its effect on Kids Depression

Teenage Depression is not something new, but Social Media and its effect on depression is. Today’s teens are so plugged in to Social Media and their smart phones that it is effecting how they interact with their peers.  Social Media has taken the place of interacting with others in person, and thus has affected the teens ability to recognize social cues such as body language and tone of voice.  Relying solely on social media has hindered communication with one another.

The problem with Social Media is that social media allows one to present whatever image of themselves they want to present. Often, this image is far from accurate. This is especially dangerous for teens, as they have a need to always fit in with the crowd. They feel pressured to be like their friends on social media and when they can’t achieve it, it can cause them to feel depressed. Social Media is also an avenue for Cyberbullying. Rumors, embarrassing pictures or situations can spread on social media like wildfire and the effects of the fallout from such a situation can cause a teen to contemplate Suicide.

Social Media is here to stay. The best thing that you can do to help your teen navigate social media and its effects is to always keep the lines of communication open. Let them know that they can come to you about any and everything. Also helping them understand, that nobody Is perfect and we all project what we want to be will go a long way in helping them navigate social media. 

-Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Mental health

Say something…

It wasn’t until Jaime was a week into a depression episode and I was experiencing high anxiety that I realized how important it is to communicate. I was stressed worrying about her, not sleeping at night, tired everyday all day and felt I needed the help of my mom. I needed her to come and ease the stress off me. If she only came and cooked that would’ve helped or just her presence and assistance with Jaime would’ve been beneficial. The only thing was, she was not available to come and In my mind I felt like she wasn’t putting in enough effort to come. Now, y’all understand that I never told her WHY I needed her to come.

I was so disappointed and full one evening I just decided to tell Jaime how I was feeling. I told her that my anxiety was high, and how worried I was about her. I told her that everything she was going through takes a toll on me and makes me uneasy so momo not coming to help out hurt me. I remember saying I’m so stressed and mom should know that. Jaime asked did you tell momo why you needed her to come, I responded

no I didn’t and that’s when Jaime said:

-Hope

momma that’s how I felt about you, you should’ve known how I was feeling.

-Jaime

WOW!!! That was a total eye opener! I in turn said I’m so glad you said that….that was the beginning of Jaime opening up to me about her feelings and it taught me a lesson to never assume others know what i’m going through, and how i’m feeling unless I tell them. I know that some wear their feelings on their sleeves but some are good at disguising things. We are all human, and sometimes we need help, encouragement, and reassurance that things are going to be OK. That doesn’t mean that you’re weak, or less than a man or woman.

Talk to your kids, loved ones, and those that are considered true friends about what you are feeling. It can make a world of difference in how they understand you and how you communicate with one another. Often times we like to assume that others are aware of how we’re feeling when they’re not. Assuming sometimes lead to miscommunication, and thinking that no one cares for you when that couldn’t be furthest from the truth!

I was once told by my husband that you set yourself up for disappointment if you expect people to treat you how you treat them. This is true, because you may be attentive, vigilant, in tune with others emotions & feelings, and all that’s good but you can’t get mad if the next person isn’t. Does that make them a bad person, friend or loved one? NO, we all have different personalities and characteristics. Enjoy people for who and what they are, and lets not impose on them how we think they should be or act. This was a hard lesson I had to learn especially with the kids. You try to give them what they want and need, you’re there for them at all times good & bad, you try to raise them a certain way that will prepare them for the future and you do everything to benefit their well being. They may not always reciprocate our actions and sacrifice but have faith that when they get older they wont depart from your teachings. They’ll refer back to the teachings you taught and the example you showed in good & bad times Trusting In God.

Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.

Proverbs 22:6

-Hope

Posted in Anxiety, Depression, Mental health

Who Knew…

Life is sometimes hard y’all. We tend to go through things that seem to be never ending. It’s always something, one battle after another.

On August 5th of this year my job received notice that our contract was not renewed as a Managed Care Organization with the state of Louisiana and our current contract we are under is set to end on December 31st 2019. I was actually off when they received the news. My phone was ringing like crazy, and I was getting text every few minutes. Honestly, my initial response was laughter. For some reason it was funny to me. I think my mind was so overloaded with everything that was going on with Jaime til I was just numb to whatever else the world had to offer.

Fast forward to today, I’m currently still working at the same job. Some of my colleagues moved on in fear of not having a job in December which I understand but my faith is strong. LHCC is fighting the decision of not being chosen as an MCO. At the end of it all, if things don’t go our way I know that my God has something more in store for me. Hell, I didn’t plan on working in this capacity for long anyway.

James 1:2-4 says 2 My brethren, count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing the testing of your faith produces patience. 4 But let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

How great is that! Having Joy while going through only to know that in the end we will have learned how to operate in patience and have all we need.

Who knew that all my struggles would activate my purpose? The thing that I thought would take me out made me stronger. Who knew that my understanding for mental illness would be bigger than I ever thought? Who knew that I would put myself out there publicly showing my flaws and all? Who knew that I would want to speak in front of crowds in efforts to bring awareness to something that’s way bigger than I? WHO KNEW?

The key to winning battles is God. Once we realize it’s not our fight it’s his (God) we win.

– Hope