This weekend my cousin Beanie gave me a whole word/lesson. She said we as parents have to learn to be more intentional with how we talk to our kids.
Jaime was in & out of the hospital the week of Martin Luther King Day. On that Monday we were at Urgent Care, Tuesday afternoon we were at OLOL Livingston, Tuesday evening we were back at OLOL Livingston, then admitted OLOL Baton Rouge later that night. We were discharged on Wednesday and at Ochsner that same night. Thursday morning we went to the doctor and was immediately admitted to PCG hospital then later transferred to OLOL Childrens Hospital for 6 days. Jaime was given steroids at every hospital we went to and was sent home on steroids which caused a noticeable amount of weight gain. She mentioned recently that she gained weight a few times and we discussed diets but these were conversations that she initiated and when discussing I never made reference to her weight as a problem or insinuate that she didn’t look good.
On Saturday before going look for prom dresses Jaime was getting dressed and she put on this fitted shirt dress that she’s worn plenty of times before but this time it fit different. I casually said
Oh sis your belly is too big for that dress.
Jaime went to her room and after her not coming out to say she was ready to go I went to her room and she was in bed crying. My immediate question was
Why are you crying?
I had no idea I did anything wrong but my mind quickly went back to what I said. I began to apologize and tell her how I meant nothing by what I said but it was too late the damage was done. I could only imagine what her anxiety was telling her I meant…(she’s fat, ugly etc.) We were able to recover from that and go about our day. We found a beautiful dress that she looks amazing in and in efforts to support her (not that I don’t need it) we are both doing KETO.
In hindsight I wish I would’ve handled that situation differently. I wish I would’ve been more intentional with my words. It’s my goal to never let something that I tell her or any of my kids to make them feel unsure of their beauty or ability.
If we practice being more intentional with our words and actions there won’t be any room for saying I didn’t mean to offend you or I didn’t know doing that would hurt you.